chrisbrad | Oscar Live Blog Begins... For Real

So we start off with all ten of the best actor and actress nominees. Lots of awkward smiling and waving. This is a bad idea, but Gabourey Sidibe of Precious gets the loudest applause. Is this a sign of good things to come?

Now the hosts of the evening are introduced: Nope! Fake out! It's Neil Patrick Harris. He is glammed up and ready to sing a musical number. It's odd to hear a Harold and Kumar reference and anal sex mentioned in the opening of an Oscar telecast, but NPH pulls it off nicely.

NOW we get the hosts --- Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. This dual host format is going to be tiresome; I feel it already. They are literally descending from the ceiling. Not a good sign.

They introduce each other. Minimal laughter. Welcome to the Oscars. Yada yada yada.

Joke about the accounting company, then joke about Meryl Streep. Yawn...

Now we kid around about the flicks no one has seen. Uh huh.... Yawn...

Mispronounce DAME as DAMN. Hilarious stuff, guys. Dame Helen Mirren tries to smile. "Tries" being the operative word...

Now we move to the cast of Precious. Bad jokes ensue that would be considered racist if it weren't being delivered by Hollywood elites.

Sorry, Academy, but Woody Harrelson hasn't been funny since Cheers --- and even then, not so much.

Avatar jokes. Yes, yes, yes.... Put on 3D glasses to make the jokes about the amount of money it made.

Now jokes about Cameron and Bigelow's divorce and the deadly gifts they send each other. Again, HI -LAR-I-OUS, Not...

Nazi jokes about Inglourious Basterds, And now some Jew jokes...

Sandra Bullock jokes. Matt Damon jokes. Zack Efron jokes (Why is the High School Musical dude at the Oscars?). Taylor Lautner jokes (why is the Twilight dude at the Oscars?) IS THERE ANY ORIGINALITY LEFT IN HOLLYWOOD?