A letter to our Comrades on Dear Leader Obama's First Anniversary

Dearest comrades,

                                                      
I send you most joyous greetings on this, the one-year anniversary of Dear Leader Obama’s glorious ascendancy to the Presidency, having ousted the stench of evil, sulfur and capitalism from the People’s House in a monumental moment of history.

On this date, a mere year ago, the People flooded the streets of America and the World to glimpse the blessings that were to be granted to All by Dear Leader. Today, the People again stand together as One to celebrate the plethora Victories won by Dear Leader.

In His first year, Dear Leader Obama captivated the People’s hearts and minds with His oratory. He mesmerized the People’s media with His voice. He enthralled the World with His presence. He sent tingles up our legs and shivers down our spines.

In His first year, Dear Leader Obama has single-handedly created never-ending Opportunity and Prosperity for All. He has provided satisfaction for All. He has endowed All with a sense of purpose and being. He has given the People a reason to wake each morning.

Upon His arrival at the People’s House last January, Dear Leader Obama carved His first Notch of Importance by breaking the latest chains of America’s uncontrolled malevolence.

By closing the detention camp in the homeland of Cuba, Dear Leader has shown the World and the People that He will not fall victim to the wretched path of the past. Indeed, He has promised both Freedom and the fruits of our Laws to those poor souls who were confined to the most horrid condition imaginable (ample food, clean clothing, comfortable shelter, religious tolerance, high-priced attorneys, exclusive entertainment and even life itself).

Fellow comrades, Dear Leader sees no “terrorists.” Dear Leader sees none responsible for “man-made disasters.” Nyet! Dear Leader sees only more People. People who stand together with other People. People who have a vision of the World. People who He can work with to create a sustainable environment of understanding, peace and equity.

But on this, His first Victory, there were those who questioned Dear Leader. Comrades, it is worse than you may have known. For in the Chamber of the People, in our own Capital, endure those of old. Those who are enemies of our new America. Those who stand in unison against Dear Leader. The damning reports are true. And these awful men and women, these scum who stand in our way, in our Dear Leader’s way, call themselves “Republicans,"  “conservatives,” and even “tea party patriots.”

These enemies of Dear Leader have made their wish clear --- to stop Dear Leader’s Victories. To stop the march of Victory for the People.

But, comrades, Dear Leader Obama will never stop.

Standing firm against the opposition, Dear Leader next gave the People the stimulus they wanted, needed and desired. Dear Leader sent His envoys of Reason to the People’s Chamber to make sure the Truth was heard. The enemies of Right were wrong. The enemies of Freedom and Dear Leader were defeated. By a majority agreement with Dear Leader, the People won this battle.

This stimulus was used over the remainder of Dear Leader’s first year of Ascendancy to correct the wrongs of America’s economy. Dear Leader used its funds (and those of TARP --- another Victory for the People) to provide work for All. He provided food for all. He provided ObamaCash for all clunkers. He used taxes, fees, and other Patriotic devices against the wealthy and gave to the poor. He took from the People and gave to the People. My, how Generous our Dear Leader is!

He then used the monies to take the reigns of General Motors, Chevrolet, and the immoral, slavish banks. His vision of remaking America into a utopia is becoming clearer every day. Without the shackles of capitalism, the People will grow and flourish.

But Dear Leader did not stop there, comrades.

Over the summer, Dear Leader used His oratory to publicly damn the racist, military-industrial complex that is Cambridge, Massachusetts’s police department. Dear Leader’s Heaven-sent skill to pass judgment without the need of fact has since been noted World-over.

Dear Leader Obama’s quest to bring the People’s environment back from the brink has also been successful. He single-handedly took on and defeated global climate change by increasing your energy bills and laying off millions of American workers. But fret not about your neighbors! Dear Leader’s unions have created ample openings to ensure a constant stream of somewhat gainful employment (and a steady stream of dues to be used as a war-chest when Dear Leader will pitifully be forced to defend His actions in 2012).

As if these were not enough Miracles, Dear Leader also took on America’s abhorrent health care system.

Dear Leader was appalled to learn Americans could receive quality treatment for their ailments at their, or their doctor’s, whim. The People, as Dear Leader knows, want to be sure their health is dependent on Dear Leader and His chosen representatives. Even if that means the People must wait a few years for a colonoscopy, breast exam, or other urgent need, He knows the People will be grateful when their number is drawn by the Local Board of Health to receive government-grade treatment. Bless Dear Leader!

Though many of our other comrades have not been pleased with Dear Leader or the People’s Chamber over this nominal change in healthcare policy, Dear Leader knows what is best for All of us. Why fight the inevitable? Why fight Dear Leader Obama? Why challenge His authority, His sanity, His correctness?

I must say, comrade, this has been a busy year. Successful for All, but busy.

But just think. With the Progress made by Dear Leader in 2009 and coupled with His People’s Agenda for 2010, Dear Leader Obama may very well send America into the future looking like the one-sided, gray-toned, helpless nation He wants us to be. So let us All rejoice in His name (without using His full name, of course).

Smile. And like the Change Dear Leader believes in.

Why?

Because that is the way Dear Leader likes it.

May the People prosper and may Dear Leader be further Victorious,

…Comrades, one and all…

---CBA